I learnt about the power of mirroring back in 2007-2008. For the life of me, I can’t remember where I read it or heard it; however, I was amazed at the power of it. So.. here it is.
Negativity spreads like wildfire, but positivity rubs off too. Most times, when we feel someone is a right royal pain in the ‘B’, that person is thinking the same thing about you! Can you even believe it?? You! How dare they, they started it! and so the thoughts and words go on.
Arguing solves little, and once said, words can’t be unsaid. It is important to try to bite your tongue in the first place rather than have to try to mend bridges later. Although there will be a scab over the wound, it will get picked off in the next argument and be thrown around again and again until the wound is so deep it might be fatal – to the relationship at least.
It is like looking in a mirror – whatever you throw out gets mirrored back to you from the other person. It is amazing. Try it, and if you smile at someone, they will smile back. If you frown at someone, they will either frown back or recoil in some way. If you shove someone, they will burr up and shove you back (best not test that one lol). Whatever you put out there is what you will get back. It isn’t a new concept – it is in the bible, for example – ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ is a perfect example of mirroring.
So … if you have a problem with your partner, someone at work or a friend that you want to fix – you need to be the one to start the change. You also need to do this quietly – don’t explain what you are doing; just do it. It is time to break the cycle.
How do you break the cycle? It just needs a lot of will power to not react to what is happening, so you can start the mirroring process. Let’s start at the very beginning. Let’s say you have been fighting with your partner, and you are fed up to the eyeballs with them. You can often turn this around in a few short weeks to recover your original relationship. It just takes courage, persistence and tenacity not to react to their behaviour while you try to change it. Try this.
Every day, 2 or 3 times a day, stop and think of three nice things about your partner. Things that they do for you, things you are proud of, reasons that attracted you to them in the first place. Every time you get annoyed or they say or do something to upset you that week, stop, bite your tongue and don’t react. Think three nice things and be grateful for them.
Repeat week one and add this. Every day, say three nice things to the person. Perhaps tell them what you appreciate about them, praise them when they do something nice or well. Bite your tongue if they do something to annoy and don’t react to it, you will be mirroring them if you do that. So now you are thinking 3 nice things, and saying three nice things several times a day.
Repeat week 2 and add this. Every day DO three nice things. Perhaps you will make them a cuppa and take it to them unexpectedly. You might make their lunch or make them something special for breakfast. You might put a nice note or card in their briefcase or under their pillow. Send them flowers, or have a candlelit dinner waiting for them. It doesn’t have to be expensive (but if you can afford it that’s ok too…) like a weekend away or buy them that red kite adventure they have always wanted. The little things are often even better, you just being ‘nice’ and back to ‘the person they met’ is often gift enough. (how dare they think it was you being the problem!! – stop, bite your tongue and play nicely. Lol)
Keep doing week 3 – slowly but surely the anger or the annoying things will start to reduce from them, they will begin to be a bit nicer to you, they will say thank you, and even begin to do things that are surprisingly nice to you, guess what? They are mirroring you …
If you fight, yell or be nasty – they will do it back.
If you are mean, cranky or sullen – the people around you will seem the same.
If you are friendly, happy helpful – people will be friendly, happy and helpful too, it just takes a little time to empty the sock because it is full!
This can work anywhere – it can work at work, in social groups in families and at school. Try it. It is amazing, and people will think you are a goddess!
Need professional support? Click here.